Etiquette, Amongst Other Oddities

French etiquette confuses me. You would think it would be clear seeing that they invented the word, but alas, no. When you’re at the grocery store they don’t bag your groceries for you. It’s you at the end of the check-out scrambling not to crush your eggs with your can of peas, along with the last two people who paid for their goods. Odd. When there are strangers in my house, no one ever introduces them to me. I have given up on introducing myself unless in case of emergency, because introductions are apparently not important when you are a worthless foreign student. Additionally, one would never acknowledge someone else’s existence in public, (on the street, on the metro, etc.) but if you are in your apartment building you MUST smile and wish everyone a good day or good evening. I guess I have a different definition of “neighbor” than the French. I always considered humanity to be included, but I guess that doesn’t hold true here. The Parisians are only neighbors with those who share the same street address. Adults ride scooters here. Seriously, like Razor scooters from 2001, but with business suits. All the adults here are so small that it’s not weird (however, their size IS weird - it’s rare to find a man over 6 ft or a woman over 5’6’’), but the fact that they are riding scooters with ties does evoke a naughty American giggle every now and then. One of my friends who lives in a host family has to share his bathroom with the cat. I repeat: THE CAT USES THE TOILET. I still do not understand the mechanics of this phenomenon. Okay, I admit it’s creepy and sounds like a Ben Stiller movie, but don’t hate -- I love this cat. His name is Soleno, he is all white, and we are dear friends. He is a “tout petit chat.” The French love calling things “tout petit” (“all little” = tiny little), probably because everything here is “tiny little.” People, cars, cats, expresso, the overpriced food you order at a sidewalk cafe. It’s all tout petit and expensive! The last item of the day which I find hilarious is the use of the phrase “En fait” (= In fact). They say this ALL THE TIME! “En fait, I think it’s eight o’clock.” “En fait, I went to the Expressionism Expo today.” “En fait, there were a million people at the cinema last evening.” Everything is so factual. My favorite is when small children use this qualifier. Literally, four year olds saying “In fact...” I look at them and I’m all, “You don’t know anything for a fact; you’re four years old!” But they think they know. They will be so French when they grow up.